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Whether you're doing long distance with someone or just can't be bothered to leave your house, phone sex can be a hot way to get intimate with someone remotely. But dirty talk can feel awkward at first right? Whether you're new to the game, have delved a bit into the art, or are a total pro phone sex might feel intimating. So, if you want to know how to master the art of phone sex, you have come to the right place.

Today, we’ll cover everything you need to know about how to have phone sex – and enjoy it. You’ll find a step-by-step and tips for making the plunge easier. 

Let's get started.


So What is Phone Sex Exactly? 

Phone sex is simple, it’s a sex-oriented phone conversation where the partners involved usually masturbate while engaging in “dirty talk”. This can include many different forms of communication, such as phone calls with your lover or professional phone sex operator, video chat, or sexting. 

Phone sex is especially great for couples who are doing long distance since it’s a fun way to keep the physical aspect of their relationship alive. 


How Do You Even Start Having Phone Sex? 

The first step to having great phone sex is literally just talking. When initiating a sexy conversation, it's best to be honest and straightforward. You want to ensure that you get the other person's consent and that everyone is on board. 

You can ask the person directly whether they'll be into the idea if you feel comfortable. Or if you're more shy, you can be flirty and give the person hints that you want to try something new, gauge their reaction, and then ask them whether they would like to continue.

You can also try what AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito, PhD, LCSW, calls the "Sandwich technique." She says to begin with a warm and welcoming statement, express your request or intention clearly, and conclude with additional words of encouragement or appreciation. 

Dr. Brito gives the following example of the sandwich technique, “'I really enjoy your company, your body, etc., and I'm curious to try something new with you, like phone sex, and I'm wondering if you would be interested in doing it with me.”

You can discuss your likes and dislikes when both of you are into the idea. As long as you both are on the same page, give consent, and are both excited, nothing can go wrong. 


So, You Know Where to Start, But What Do You Say During Phone Sex? 

So when you have established that you and your partner are on the same page and excited, it's time for the fun to begin. 

Knowing what to say can be scary, nerve-wracking, and quite intimidating, but don't worry, we’ve got some tips for you. 

If you feel nervous, you can start by playing the "What if" game. 

Try asking the following, “What if I was there with you?” or “What if I touched you there?” These questions will open up the imagination and lead to some arousing thoughts. 

You can also stick to the basics first and tell your partner what you imagine them doing to you or you doing to them to kick-start the conversation. You can make the topic even spicier by saying, "I'm touching myself here right now," or you can say, "I can imagine you touching yourself right now." This can take the conversation from hot to sizzling.  

Ways To Keep Phone Sex Going 

What makes phone sex great is that it allows you to talk about what you like while getting to touch yourself. When you reach a dead end and don't know how to keep the conversation going and what else to talk about other than your likes and turn-ons and what you're imagining while touching yourself, you can also experiment with breathing, moaning, and sounds.

Theres really nothing sexier than sex sounds. But it’s our advice to keep things authentic versus performative. Do what feels natural. 

If you're using sex toys during your phone sex, you could also have fun with letting your partner tell you how fast or slow, hard or soft to play with the vibe. Teasing is always a fun avenue. 

 

The Conversation Has Reached the End 😉What Now?

So whether you decide to lead the conversation to the point of orgasm or not, you shouldn't just end the conversation right after unless you decide on this beforehand. It's all about maintaining that "connection." Aftercare is essential after having phone sex, and this may look different for everyone. 

The key tip is to keep that connection between you and your partner alive. You can’t just say, “Thanks, see you later, bye.” Chances are you're not just going to hop out of bed in real life and say, “See ya later,” and the same rule applies to being intimate over the phone. 

Whether you decide to discuss each other's likes or dislikes about your experience or do some breathing together afterward, whatever you decide on, keep in mind that it's a vulnerable situation for not only you but the other person too, so be gentle. 


Here Are 10 Top Tips on How to Have Phone Sex

Phone sex is a great way of building a connection and intimacy with someone, but it can be awkward at first. These tips will help phone sex before, during, and after be less awkward. Let's take a look. 


#1 Consider Asking Yourself What Your Turn Ons and Offs Are

Ask yourself what turns you on and off; this will help the conversation go smoother. If you're not super vocal about your sexual wants and needs, you can always ask questions like "How does this feel?" Does this feel good? These open-ended questions can help take off some of the pressure. 


#2 Get Specific 

Get descriptive, babe! Think about what you like, how you like it, and where you like it. The more comfortable you get with sentences like "I like or love it when…", the easier it will be to share these things with your phone sex partner. 


#3 Experiment With Video Sex

Phone sex does not only have to include texting or voice-on-voice messages. If both parties feel comfortable, you can also experiment with video calls. The same tips go for video sex with the addition of good lighting, of course.😉 The most important thing is consent when it comes to video sex; there should be no pressure to engage in a Zoom sex session if you don't feel comfortable doing so. 


#4 Decide on The Logistics

You need to figure out the logistics before having phone sex, like the place and whether it will be quiet and private. If you can have spontaneous phone sex, then good for you, babe, but if you live with friends or family members, you need to decide on a place where you can have phone sex and talk openly without bothering other people. 


#5 Charge Your Phone Babe

Make sure to charge your phone when you plan on having phone sex. Just like a vibrator, you don't want your phone to die on your mid phone sex convo. 


#6 Start Off Slow and Set the Mood

There's no need to rush things; first, start off slow before getting into the specifics of what you like and what you would like to do. You can start off small, like asking the person how their day was, and then ease into things like asking, "How would you feel if I kissed you there?"

Setting the mood can also be helpful when easing into phone sex. You can put on some sexy lingerie if that will make you feel more in the mood, light a candle, or play some sexy music.

The important thing is easing into the conversation and not rushing into it. It shouldn't feel forced. 


#7 Build That Anticipation 

Build that anticipation and let your partner know you want them before hopping on that phone sex convo. Be open and honest about your desires. Candles, lingerie, and sexy music will do the trick, but sending them a flirty text or a spicy photo beforehand will let them know you want to get it on. 


#8 Use Phone Sex as Foreplay

Phone sex does not have to lead to an orgasm. You can give your partner quick phone calls throughout the day, send flirty text messages, send sexy voice notes, or even read erotica over the phone. Doing this can lead to an entire day of erotic adventure, and it will also take the pressure off of keeping long conversations going. 


#9 Add Those Sex Toys 

Sex toys are a great way of maximizing stimulation and pleasure, so don't be afraid to add them when you're having phone sex. Let's take a look at some toys that would make the perfect phone sex addition. 

Theres something for everyone: vulva owners could enjoy wearable vibes, wand vibes, or thrusting dildosPenis owners might love cock rings, or automatic masturbators that simulate oral sex. 

Whether you're texting, voice calling, or video calling, a remote-controlled vibrator may help you achieve the ultimate hands-free orgasm. Yup, you won't have to lift a finger. This will help you focus on what the other person says during phone sex and take everything in. 

No matter the device, using sex toys together while on the phone is a fabulous way to enhance your phone sex. 

 


#10 Have Phone Sex Under The Same Roof

Who said phone sex was only for those who did long distance? Spice things up by having phone sex under the same roof. You can call your partner or text them while they are in a different room. It will feel as if you're getting to know each other for the first time again, and knowing that the other person is just a room or two away from you can be extremely hot. 


Things to Consider When It Comes To Having Phone Sex

  • Don't feel pressure to perform - Emphasize pleasure over performance. Connect with your body and with your partner, and don't feel like you need to act like a pornstar unless you want to, hun.
  • Connect with yourself - Check in with yourself before, during, and after the phone sex session. Be honest with yourself, whether you enjoyed it or were uncomfortable. And know that if phone sex is not for you, that is totally okay. 
  • You can stop at any time - Know that you can stop if you don't feel comfortable. Consent is important throughout. If you want to end it, don't feel pressure to continue. You can totally end it, babe.

Final Thoughts on How To Have Phone Sex

If you are new to phone sex, have experimented a bit, or are a total phone sex pro, we hope our guide on how to have phone sex has answered everything you wanted to know. 

The most important thing when it comes to how to have phone sex is consent, feeling comfortable, and not feeling any pressure. And if you want some added help, sex toys can really take things to a new level. 

Just be yourself and have fun; phone sex is about the connection, not the performance, so relax and have some fun. 

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