If you have ever wondered, “what does a sixty-year-old woman want in bed?” then this article is about to blow your mind (and answer your question).
Article Written By: Gillian (Gigi) Singer, MPH, Board Certified Sexologist & Sexuality Educator
There is a beautiful article in Refinery29 called 6 Women Over 60 Get Real About Sex where readers get to hear the storied sexual histories of six incredibly interesting people who prove that spectacular sex (and sexuality) aren’t reserved for people under the age of forty.
When they were asked for three adjectives to describe their current sex lives, some of the words they used were: free, open, flexible, comfortable, exciting, loving, pleasurable, amazing, fulfilling, and “just damn good.”
In the National Poll on Healthy Aging, women were more likely to be extremely or very satisfied than men (43% vs. 31%) in their sex life.
Clearly, women are doing something right, so this article is going to reveal the secrets of the 43%, in hopes of getting the percent of women satisfied to 100%.
#1 Women want communication
In my opinion as a Sexologist, communication is arguably the most important part of every sex life, sexual encounter, and relationship.
One woman reports, “As you get older, you know more. You communicate with your partner more, I like this, you like this…it’s much better,” and another woman says “A lot of communication is important.” Another says, “I’ve grown to know that just because I’m good with one person doesn’t mean I’m necessarily good with another person. It has to be something you talk about.”
Communication makes sex better because even from day to day, or hour to hour, sexual interests, needs, and desires change – what worked for you one day, may not work for you another.
Sixty-year-old women want communication in bed because sex will simply be better when you are getting exactly what you want, and when you are able to give your partner(s) precisely what they want.
Communicating these needs can be intimidating. In fact, only one in three older adults indicated that they would talk to their partner about sexual health problems. However, I compare sex to going to a restaurant – if you don’t order, the waiter might bring you something you hate, something you love, or nothing at all. If you order what appeals to you, you’ll be satisfied by your meal. Sex is the exact same.
#2 Women want connection
In a survey, the majority of adults between the ages sixty-five and eighty indicated that they believe “sex is an important part of a romantic relationship at any age and important to their quality of life” and “women with a romantic partner were more likely to be extremely or very satisfied in their sex as compared with those without one.” This tells us that older adults are looking for intimacy and romantic partnership alongside their sexual escapades.
Sixty-year-old women want intimacy, emotional, spiritual, and physical connection in bed.
#3 Women want exploration
It is said that necessity is the mother of invention, and changes in bodies (and their abilities) create opportunities for sexual innovation and exploration. Simply put, female bodies don’t work the same after menopause begins. So, sixty-year-old women want exploration and innovation in bed.
Common complaints from women and females include vaginal atrophy (the thinning, drying and inflammation of the vaginal walls), decreased genital response/arousal and sensitivity, difficulty reaching orgasm, and pain during certain sexual acts (namely, penetration). These changes sometimes are best addressed by a healthcare provider, but often are self-managed.
Exploration is supposed to be fun – so trying something new shouldn’t be the end of the world.
Exploring solutions to physiological obstacles can include the use of lubricants, moisturizers, never-before-seen sex positions, and trying new sex toys (we recommend the Vibrating Wand Massager or a Clit Sucker).
Even if your abilities haven’t changed, you may find that your preferences have. One example is this person’s change in penetration preference: "My climaxes have changed somewhat, because when I was younger, or until recently, I didn’t need any penetration for really good orgasms. I didn’t need it! Now, I really like it… I love that about my orgasms now."
However, usually both people in a relationship are experiencing changes – no matter the person’s sex assigned at birth. If your partner is experiencing erectile dysfunction, for example, you may find that you have to adapt your ‘sexual schedule’ a bit to accommodate for when they feel most up to the job, or they might want to try prostate stimulation to improve their erections.
#4 Women want confidence
It’s okay to want sex, and it’s okay to not want sex. That’s up to you! Showing up confidently to a sexual situation (or any situation) is one of the sexiest things a person can do.
Sixty-year-old women want you to speak up for yourself and also create space for them to speak up and feel confident in bed.
#5 Women want experience
Finally, sixty-year-old women want experienced partners in bed.
One woman says, “When you first have sex… you really don’t know much. You just don’t know. You gain more experience the older you get. You age like a good wine. As you get older, you know more.”
You know what is best for you and your body – now own it, advocate for it, and seek pleasure. A woman says, “I love, love, love to have sex. I have sex as often as possible,” and to her I say go forth and consensually conquer.
Like wine, we get better with age.
Many say that sex gets better with age. This is likely because we learn what we want out of it. Ladies of a certain age are pretty certain about what they want in bed. They seek open communication, a parter to explore the bedroom with, a partner who is confident, and experienced.