It’s okay to bring your sex toys to bed, folks. Using sex toys in a relationship is good for the soul (and your sex life, and orgasmic potential). But no seriously, there are studies to back this up.
Sex toys are no secret anymore. These days they’re pretty mainstream. Recent studies reveal around 50% of straight women own and use a sex toy. Among women of queer identities, pleasure products are even more popular with 86% of queer women owning and using a vibrator.
However, we mostly think of these vibe devices as masturbatory tools but they are also incredible to use during partnered sex. And while it may feel revolutionary to incorporate in your own sex life, couples of all kinds are already doing it.
A 2010 study revealed that couples of all kinds, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight, use sex toys with their partners. In fact, around 42% of couples use sex toys during partnered sex to keep their sex lives exciting.
And the most revealing tidbit — the couples who use sex toys with their partners show higher sexual satisfaction rates versus couples who don’t use sex toys together.
Cool, but are men actually ok with using vibrators during sex?
I know what you’re thinking. Aren’t men going to protest the perfectly engineered orgasm giver being brought into the bedroom? Maybe. But maybe not.
The idea that men inherently dislike all sex toys is totally wrong. The vast majority won’t protest vibrators during sex, but would actually invite them in.
A 2011 study found that most men have pretty positive views of women using vibrators. Around 70% said they would not be intimated by their partner’s sex toys.
That’s not to say that your male partner is going to be totally cool with you busting out a vibrator during sex. Consent is essential here. Using sex toys in a relationship requires open and honest communication above all else.
A male Reddit user said, “As long as there is communication, no problem, you do you. It’s hot to watch! I will say, for toys, just give me a heads up, especially if this is a hookup/newer relationship/first time using a toy.”
If your guy is trepidatious about using vibrators during sex, remind him that vibrators are teammates, not rivals.
In the event of a “not so sure” partner, broach the subject of a remote-controlled vibrator where he still has total control of your pleasure. (Trust us, it’s hot.)
Here are 5 reasons to use sex toys in your relationship & partnered sex
If you aren’t using sex toys in your relationship – you may be missing out. There are many benefits to using incorporating sex toys into your sex repertoire. Putting this type of partner play on the menu could be sex-life changing.
#1 Enhancing & extending foreplay
Using sex toys in a relationship can be a great way to add to foreplay. According to surveys, most couples believe the most exciting way to spice up their sex lives would be by extending foreplay. (Easy enough right?)
And when it comes to the female orgasm this makes perfect sense.
Women often take longer than men to orgasm. This means the vulva-owners of the bedroom require arousal build-up and periods of prolonged (clitoral) stimulation. It’s incredibly satisfying to all parties when the vulva-owner has had time to become seriously turned on and extra sensitive.
Extending foreplay means sex lasts longer and the orgasm build-up is top-notch. When using clitoral vibrators during sex, women are more likely to have vaginal orgasms since they’re sufficiently turned on and ready for penetrative sex.
For these reasons alone, using a vibrator during sex is a game-changer.
And being teased by your partner using a vibrator on you before you get into penetrative acts? A++ 10/10 would recommend.
#2 Takes pressure off the partner
Some of us require a lot of stimulation to reach orgasm. Some women report needing around an hour of partnered stimulation to reach the O. But, using a vibrator during sex can speed things along by intensifying stimulation.
Using vibrators can help take pressure off the partner – which can feel like a load off for both parties. And without the “pressure” to either perform or climax, you’re freer to just enjoy yourself and your partner.
#3 Three words: multiple, blended orgasms
Ever heard of a blended orgasm? It’s when you have different types of orgasms all at once. Yes, please.
A blended orgasm occurs when you have two or more simultaneous orgasms such as a clitoral and vaginal orgasm. If you’ve ever self-stimulated during partnered sex, that was the wave you were riding.
When you use vibrators during sex, the chances of you having an incredible blended orgasm are HIGH. When you incorporate sex toys into your sex life, the chances of you coming more than once during sex is also HIGH.
(I mean, I’m sold.)
#4 Adds variety & excitement to your sex life
Sometimes, partnered sex in a long-term relationship can start to feel predictable. This may leave some longing for something new.
A good way to keep your sex life spicy and interesting is to add variety. Try new positions, new sex locations, play games, role play, and add sex toys.
Sex toys, especially when used every once in a while, add a taste of newness that is seriously fun for everyone. Using sex toys like clit suckers, remote control internal vibrators, butt plugs and prostate massagers can really up bust you out of your sex routine.
#5 Enhances partner communication
Open communication is needed when using sex toys with your partner and research reflects this.
Surveys show that 49% of couples who use vibrators together openly communicate often. Contrastingly, of the couples who don’t use vibrators together, only 29% of them reported the same level of open communication.
This makes sense, because in order to open the door to newness and variety in bed – you need to communicate with your partner first. This communication should take place both inside and outside of the bedroom.
When you, for instance, use a vibrator on a partner, you’d ideally be asking questions about how it feels, if they want it slower/faster, or if they want you to come closer to them or stimulate them in other fun ways.
Communication is the only way you’ll fully understand your partner’s previously unspoken desires and boundaries. When you explore the bedroom, you will undoubtedly open new pathways of communication.
Bottom line: Using vibrators during sex may enrich your sex life
In closing, we’d like to say that your sex life can be beautiful and totally satisfying without the presence of sex toys.
But, these pleasure products may certainly add a layer of intimacy, fun, excitement, and pleasure into the mix.
Having vibrators around as a sexy possibility is thrilling. Opening to new levels of communication, trust, and intimacy is amazing. All can be explored just by adding a pleasure product to your bedroom. Food for thought, eh?