"How long should foreplay last?" is a question we all have wondered about at some point. Foreplay, also known as outercourse, can be nibbling your partner's earlobes, sucking or biting their neck, letting your fingers go to town on their body, or even sexting them. It is the build-up of sexual tension, it's the turn-on, it's the fuel to the fire.
According to sex educator Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez, "Foreplay is the mental build-up of arousal in which you and your partner start to feel sexual tension, "Foreplay creates time for desire to build, which increases pleasure for when you do start sexing."
But how do you engage in foreplay, how long should foreplay last, and where and when do you start?
When & Where Should Foreplay Start?
Foreplay starts way before we all think it does. It begins beyond the bedroom. It can happen way before you're even in bed together. The tension you create on a dinner date, with small touches under the table and loaded gazes over the candle-lit table – that's foreplay, dude. Foreplay can even be how you treat each other or the little things you do for each other, for example, helping out with chores in the house. Yup, for some, it can be a major turn-on.
Foreplay can start anywhere and doesn't always have to end in sex. But the important thing is that both parties are comfortable and consent.
Foreplay is fun for everyone, but for women, it is essential. Psychologist Dr Sonja Benson says, "The reality for most women is that foreplay really starts hours, days, maybe even weeks before the physical action gets going."
Media (not to mention porn) would have us believe that foreplay is just a few seconds of passionate kissing before you tear off each other's clothes, but THAT is not good sex.
Great sex and great orgasms require tension. Tension is not created in a few seconds.
That brings us back to the question: “How long should foreplay last?”
How Long Should Foreplay Last?
According to a 2004 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, both men and women want foreplay to last about 20 minutes.
Saketh Guntupalli, a gynecologic oncologist at UCHealth and co-author of Sex and Cancer, told Bustle, "Foreplay is the most important part of the sexual act for women. During Foreplay, we release hormones that arouse our desire for an intimate connection. That heightened desire can intensify our satisfaction."
Most couples are not investing enough time in foreplay; it is quick, limited, and they’re missing out on the best parts of sex. Foreplay is important as it can help you and your partner build emotional intimacy that can make you feel more connected to each other in and out of the bedroom.
Another reason foreplay is important is that it gets the juices flowing quite literally through increasing sexual arousal.😉This will make lovemaking so much more enjoyable.
It Should Last Longer Than You'd Think
There's no magic number for how long foreplay should last, but it's longer than you think. Holistic relationship and sex expert Kim Anami says foreplay should last "a minimum of 30 minutes" if you want satisfying sex. She then adds, "The most satisfying sex is when it's been delayed and extended, and then your whole body is awake and alive."
Kim also says, "You're much more likely to have full-body orgasms when you do that because you've involved your whole body and not just your genitals."
There are many opinions on how long foreplay should last. Some say 11 minutes. Some say 20. And some insist on 30. But generally, it is longer than what you're likely already doing. Don't be afraid to invest more time into foreplay, as it is sure to pay off physically and emotionally. Let's look at how you and your partner can make foreplay last longer.
Ways You Can Enrich Foreplay & Make It Last
Whether you and your partner see foreplay as the sweet appetizer 😉or as the main dish, there are always ways you can enrich it and make it last longer. Let’s look at how you can turn up the heat.
#1 Discover What Stimulates Your Partner
Our bodies are designed for pleasure. Explore, experiment, and communicate to see what stimulates you and your partner's bodies. This way, foreplay will be successful for both of you.
#2 Build Up the Tension Outside of the Bedroom
Foreplay is not limited to the bedroom. So try something new and send your partner a spicy text when they are at work and build that sexual tension during the day.
#3 Incorporate Some Dirty Talk
You can't go wrong by adding a little dirty talk to the mixture. Tell your partner exactly what you would like them to do to you. Getting your partner to do what makes your heart tick, and your toes curl while adding some dirty talk is the perfect mixture.
#4 Undress Each Other Slowly
Take each other's clothes off piece by piece and allow time to touch each other's bodies. There's nothing sexier than seeing the anticipation grow in each other's eyes.
#5 Make Your Hands Do the Magic
Add some lube and heated oils to the bedroom. Who doesn't love massages? Get sexy with your hands and some oil, and explore each other's bodies from each other’s back all the way down. 😉
#6 Get Creative With Your Senses
Try something different compared to what you will usually do. Choose one of the 5 senses and get creative. For example, if you decide to experiment with touch, try different textures and pressure. Does your partner like to be touched softly, or do they like it more rough? Figure out what each other likes and have fun with it.
#7 Set the Scene
For you to be turned on, your brain must be turned on first, so you must set the scene. Whether you need to light some candles, play some sexy music, or do some roleplaying, get things all hot and bothered.
#8 Add Some Toys to Your Foreplay
The best way to add some fun to your foreplay is pleasure products! Vibrators are fantastic for foreplay.
Vibrators add a new and fun element, and they can really improve your sex life. Only 18.4% of women are able to reach the Big O from penetrative sex alone. So adding a vibrator and using it externally on the clit can help both parties enjoy the experience and potentially reach orgasm land.
Aura, the clit sucker dual vibrator, is perfect for foreplay. You can use it internally or externally or for dual stimulation. You can also use one end to do some teasing. With the vibrator's flexible design, you can work those angles and hit the spot.
Aura makes foreplay fun because you can experiment with your partner and see which setting you like the best.
Bewitch'd - Vibrating Wand Massager is another amazing option for foreplay.
Take turns and use the vibrating wand on the most arousing spots for you and your partner. It is great for clitoral and nipple stimulation and even scrotum and shaft stimulation (That's right, your man can also benefit from your wand😉).
#9 Communication is Key
Communicating with your partner and letting them know what you like will help your partner know what to do more of, and this way, both of you will be satisfied. You can also give critique, but no harsh comments like "You suck at doing this." If you want them to do a bit more of something, tell them, or better yet, show them what you like.
Final Thoughts on How Long Foreplay Should Last
Even Though studies have shown both men and women want foreplay to last about 20 minutes, it can be different for everyone. How long you and your partner want foreplay to last may differ from how long your friends 'and their partners want it to last.
The most important thing with foreplay is communication and finding out what the other person likes and enjoys. It is also important to remember that foreplay can happen outside of the bedroom, and it's all about getting aroused and letting that sexual tension build-up.
Don't be afraid to try something new, set the scene, add some toys to the mixture, or even add a little dirty talk.
Foreplay is fun and shouldn't be stressful. So, find what works for you and your partner. Who knows? Maybe you and your partner like foreplay for longer than 20 minutes after reading these tips. 😉 Have fun!