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So you’re looking for tips and tricks on how to go down on a woman? We’ve got your back. We consulted multiple sex experts and rounded up the best cunnilingus tips and techniques. 

In this sex guide, we’ll go over 15 must-know cunnilingus tips, what to avoid and how to know she’s enjoying the ride. 

Let’s talk about how to eat pussy so well that your partner thinks you're a sex god.

What’s cunnilingus?

No matter if you call it “eating pussy” “going down on a woman” “giving her head” or “cunnilingus” it all means one thing ––oral sex performed on a vulva. 

(The same goes for “sucking off” “giving head” or “blowjob” ––that's oral sex performed on a penis, AKA fellatio.)

Top 15 tips on how to go down on a woman like a cunnilingus master

As with any sex act, you’ll only get better with education, time, and effort. We totally love that you’re doing your research.

Here is your masterclass on how to eat pussy.

#1 Ask her what she likes

The first step is communication. We know, not the sexiest tip. 

But going down on a woman is not a one size fits all situation. You've got to ask her what she likes. It's likely she knows exactly what she wants and will give you some direction.

You can also ask her to communicate with you while you’re down there. Either verbally or non-verbally. Ask her to pull your hair or moan when she likes what you’re doing. 

No matter how you do it, experts agree, better sex begins with better communication. 

#2 Build up her arousal

If you walk away with nothing else, this tip is the one I want you to remember: Build up her arousal before your tongue ever touches her clit.

This tip alone could change your head game forever. 

She should be dying for it before you directly stimulate. The bigger the build-up, the more aroused she'll be, and the more she’s going to love it when you finally go for it. The goal of the build-up is to increase arousal and vulva sensitivity. 

Think of it as an ocean wave swelling up. It can’t crash onto the shore until it reaches a crest. To reach that crest (the edge of orgasm) you have to build up to it.

Tip: Added speed or pressure won’t get her there faster. You might actually end up turning her off. 


#3 Don’t go straight for the clit, play the field. 

The clit only has one purpose: pleasure. It’s where most of the magic happens. Most can't come without clitoral stimulation. But, in the beginning pay attention to what surrounds it. 

Sex & Intimacy Coach, Yael R. Rosenstock Gonzalez says getting the entire area aroused can build up that tension and increase clitoral sensitivity. 

She says, “At first, get the entire area aroused by playing with the inner thighs, mound, and labia while brushing by but not directly engaging the clitoral glans.” 

Take your time. Tease her. Breathe on the area. Lightly graze the area. Tease her overtop panties. You get the picture.


#4 Start stimulation from the outside in 

Clinical Sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D. at SexToyCollective suggests taking an outside-in approach to cunnilingus. 

Start with stimulating “non-sexual” areas to increase arousal. Try “gently touching the hands and feet, working your way up the arms and legs. This can create anticipation and arousal.” Then work your way in towards the vulva and clitoris. 

Once you’ve made your way to the vulva, take the same outside-in approach here too. Melancon says “begin with the inner thighs and move towards the outer labia, before diving towards the clitoris.

The same can go for the scope of your motions. When you're just beginning, start broad, cover the entire surface area of the clit. As she's getting more and more aroused, create smaller more precise moments.

Start broad, zero in. 


#5 Help her relax by showing your enthusiasm 

It’s hard to orgasm when you’re uncomfortable. Sometimes receiving head (especially with a new partner) can be stressful. 

Dr. Christina Helou, a certified sex educator and certified sex counselor says "The BEST cunnilingus is when the giver is enjoying all things about giving: taste, touch, smell, sound, sight."

Put her at ease by telling her how much you’re enjoying it. Try moaning into her while you're down there. Giver enthusiasm goes a long way. If she's relaxed she’ll have an easier time reaching orgasm. 

Tip: Not only does enthusiasm make her comfortable, it's super sexy. You enjoying yourself is a big turn on. Making eye contact while enjoying eating out is an absolute boss move.  

#6 Start with a feather-light touch and build pressure and speed

When it comes to how much tongue pressure to use, it's a good idea to start with a feather-light touch. Even use your breath as a tool. Try blowing air on the clitoral area before going in.

Gonzalez mentions “For those who like to be teased, you can use a combo of your breath, barely-there lip or tip of tongue touches, nibbles, and licks.”

The critique I see most often is a partner being too rough with stimulation. A clit is extremely sensitive, especially when aroused. It has 8,000 nerve endings ––double that of a penis.

Just be gentle, trust me.

Tip: It's always easier for the receiver to ask for more than asking you to back off. Start light and let her be your guide. 


#7 Listen to how her body responds and use it as your guide

Not all receivers are super vocal so it might be hard to know if what you’re doing is working. The best way to know is to listen to what her body is saying to you. 

Sex expert and sex podcast personality Edwina shares a few insights on spotting the difference:

If she makes a noise that sounds like a snake (ssssssss) it probably hurts. If she pulls her knees together in an effort to crush your head, it likely hurts [or she's uncomfortable].” 

“If she is arching her back and pressing into your face, then it probably feels great. If she's throwing her head back, arching her back, and grabbing hands-full of sheets in her firsts, you are definitely on the right track.”


#8 Try relaxing your tongue for broad stimulation 

You don’t need to pinpoint the clit with the tip of your tongue. Instead, go for broad stimulation by flattening your tongue. 

Melancon suggests making your tongue “soft and squishy so stimulation is spread all over the area.”


#9 Different strokes, different folks: circular & side to side

The best “strokes” will vary from person to person. But, there are two that are general crowd-pleasers – circular and side to side

These two strokes cover a lot of surface area and stimulate a lot of clitoral nerves. Those moves are preferable to going up and down since this stimulates fewer nerves. However, up and down is great for teasing or beginning arousal. 

Tip: Try lightly swirling the clit clockwise or using a zig zag motion.


#10 Establish a rhythm 

It’s the motion of the ocean, babes. 

Sex coach Yael Gonzalez told us, “When attempting to build up towards orgasm, try creating a pleasurable rhythm. This can be done with just the tongue or can also involve a couple of fingers or a toy for penetration. While not needed for everyone, lots of people with vulvas find that a regular (enjoyable) rhythm makes orgasming easier.” 


#11 Pay attention to the top right corner of the clit 

At times one side of the clitoris may be more sensitive than the other. The internet has lovingly called this having a "lefty or a righty"

Sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D. suggests paying special attention to the top right corner (from the giver's perspective) of the clit. 

Regardless of where it is exactly, most vulva owners have sensitive spots. The same is true for penis owners. Listen to her reaction while you stimulate to locate her sensitive spots.


#12 Try creating *gentle* suction with your lips

Suction vibrators are the vulvas new BFF for good reason. Creating light suction that encompasses the entire clitoris glans can be an absolute show stopper. This light suction can seriously boost blood flow which increases clitoral sensitivity and arousal. 

Make an ‘O’ with your lips and create a seal around the whole clit, sans teeth! (If this is making a lot of noise it’s not ‘sealed’ and she's not feeling much.) Gently suck rhythmically and slowly while stimulating with your tongue. (It's an advanced move and takes practice.) Don’t suck hard though. Be gentle, but consistent. 

In a Vice article about clit sucking, experts shared their tips and added that you can't merely wind tunnel suck on a clit and hope she'll come. You have to add variation, and tongue movement into the mix.  

But note, that some folks have VERY sensitive clits and may not enjoy this highly stimulating technique. However, some will go absolutely feral for this.

Try it out, or ask her about it and see how she responds. 


#13 Try temperature play 

Temperature is always a fun variable to play with when going down on a woman. Dr. Helou, a certified sex educator, suggests “Use temperature to play with sensation. Take a sip of cold or warm water first.” 

For cold play, you could also try using chilled dildos for dual stimulation. 


#14 Use your tongue, lips, fingers, toys, etc

You don’t have to just use your tongue. This can be tiring and hard to sustain.

You can always use other means of stimulation. If she’s okay with it, try using your fingers for penetration or g-spotting, or sex toys to increase stimulation. Stimulating both internally and externally could bring her to the coveted blended orgasm. (It's like having two at once.)

Tip: You don’t have to just rely on using your tongue for strength and motion. Place your tongue on the area and move your head (side to side or circularly) instead of your tongue. 


#15 If it's working, don’t break your stride

Please don't stop.

When she's nearing orgasm is not the time to get creative or pull out a different move or change rhythm. If she's nearing climax, then what you’re doing is working – just focus on keeping it going

Edwina says when the going is good, “please, for the love of all that's righteous in this world, DO NOT STOP. We have this point of no return and if the stimulation changes we can lose an orgasm —just POOF, it's gone in a split second. Sure, you can find it again, but it will take some time.”


Getting better means asking for feedback 

You wouldn’t be reading this article if you didn’t want to be a good lover. (We love that about you.) The one thing you need to know about being good in bed is – you’ve got to take on suggestions. 

If you go marching into the bedroom tonight, armed with these tips, and she’s got feedback in the moment ––THAT'S A GOOD THING. Listen to her and you’ll eventually have a foolproof way of making her come every time. You'll be a gd hero. 

The thing is, it’s going to be different from person to person. So just remain open when it comes to learning about your person. 

Here’s a shortlist of what to avoid when going down on a woman:

  • Don’t go straight for the clit. The female orgasm is about build-up. 
  • Don't dart out your tongue aggressively. Try softening and flattening your tongue.   
  • Don't switch up your techniques too quickly. Vulva owners need time to respond.
  • Don't bite. There are far too many accounts of gnawing going on.
  • Don't try to “spell the alphabet with your tongue,” that’s a myth.
  • Don’t just use your tongue. You can get creative, babe. 
  • Don’t change what you’re doing if it's working –consistent motion is the key. 
  • Don't jackhammer her at any point. Vulvas owners often enjoy slow, sensual stimulation that builds up in speed or pressure.   
  • Don’t shy away from using sex toys during oral sex. They’re teammates!

 

Read more: 5 Reasons To Start Using Sex Toys In Your Relationship

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