A sudden increase in libido, in my 40s!? Yes. It's totally normal and it happens to millions of women. 

When your sex drive suddenly kicks into high gear in your 40s, it can feel both thrilling and kind of scary. You might be wondering if something's wrong, especially since we're always hearing about how libido is supposed to decrease with age.

Yes it's about hormones but its also about so much more. 

According to OBGYN Dr. Suzanne Hall. “As we enter into perimenopause and menopause, what affects our libido the most dramatically are psychosocial factors.”

This change is way more common than you'd think and we think it should be honored.

What's Really Going On With Your Hormones During Perimenopause

Let's talk about what's actually happening in your body right now.

During perimenopause, your ovaries start producing fewer sex hormones overall, with estrogen doing this weird up-and-down dance while progesterone steadily drops off. But your testosterone remains relatively unfazed, which (and nobody really talks about it) can really crank up your sex drive.

So, what's biologically causing the libido increase? Estrogen dipping causing a change in sex hormone ratio.

While estrogen and progesterone are doing their disappearing act, testosterone is still hanging around, produced by both your ovaries and adrenal glands. And sometimes that testosterone suddenly becomes more noticeable, which can make you feel like a teenager again (minus the awkward phases, thankfully).

Experiencing a increase in libido suddenly in your 40s is normal and often contributed to the onset of perimenopause but it could also be due to a change of season.

Life Changes That Might Be Revving Your Engine

Let's talk about other reasons why you might experience a sudden increase in libido in your 40s. Sure, hormones play a role, but your sex drive isn't just about biology.

It's also about life finally giving you a little breathing room. In your 40s, things start to settle: the kids don't need you 24/7, you're probably settled in a career, feeling less like you're in survival mode, and you've earned some real perspective. 

If you're not caretaking 24/7, you suddenly have time for YOU and your desires. 

That space? It matters. It gives your nervous system a break, and when you're not stuck in constant stress, desire has room to show up.

Theres also the confidence factor.

You're likely more in tune with your body, your boundaries, and what actually turns you on. That self-assurance can feel like jet fuel for your libido. Maybe you're no longer faking orgasms (or interest), and you're finally curious enough (or free enough) to explore what pleasure actually means for you, not just your partner.

In short: your 40s can be less about obligation and more about intentional pleasure and connection. And when intimacy becomes something you choose, and not something you squeeze in, it changes everything. A fire start blazing now that it has the breathing room it needs. 

When to Talk to Someone About It

While an increased libido is usually totally fine, sometimes you might want to check in with a doctor. Trust your gut on this one. If the changes are messing with your daily life or causing actual distress, that's worth a check-in. 

Your doctor might want to rule out things like thyroid imbalances, medication side effects, or shifts in mental health that could be contributing to a sudden spike in libido, especially if it feels extreme or out of sync with the rest of your life.

But, remember it could be totally normal. A sudden increase in libido is definitely a shared experience in perimenopause though, so talking to your doctor just about this is a great place to start. Share any changes you're experiencing and rule out anything else causing it.  

If nothing is going on to be worried about, ENJOY IT. 

Taking Care Of Yourself & Exploring New Appetites 

When it comes to managing these changes, there's no one-size-fits-all solution.

Some women find hormone therapy helps, while others prefer non-hormonal medications or talking to a sex therapist. Not to "fix" your libido, but rather to help your body navigate hormone changes. Menopause brings with it a lot of changes (not just pleasure appetites). Regular exercise can make a huge difference, and so can getting enough sleep and focusing on stress management.

If you're interested in exploring this new libido safely, there are plenty of options out there. BerryLemon makes some great products specifically designed for women our age.

The best selling Aura Clit Sucker Dual Vibrator offers thrilling air pulse technology that is incredibly pleasurable. It's also a flexible dual stimulator which can be used in many ways. A close second in top tier options is the powerhouse Bewitch'd Vibrating Wand Massager. It's a classic and it works for both pleasure and those annoying muscle aches.

Tending to your sexual desires is an act of self love, and self care. Sexual wellness is extremely important our our wellbeing. And a piece of keeping part of us that "up and running" is leaning into regular sexual wellness routines. 

If you're new to vibrators and aren't sure which one would be good for you, take our vibe quiz and we'll recommend what we think is best for your preferences. 

Moving Forward (Because That's All We Can Do)

Your 40s can actually be pretty amazing for your sex life. It's like getting a second chance to figure out what makes you tick. And honestly? There's no "correct" way to experience these changes. Whether you're just looking for information or want to try some new products, BerryLemon's got your back.

The most important thing to remember is that you're not weird or broken if your libido is suddenly increasing. It's just another part of getting older (and maybe even better). So take some time to explore what works for you. Enjoy this boost in libido, either with yourself, with your partner, or BOTH! Connect with other women going through the same thing. And remember - you deserve to feel good about your sexuality at every age.

I've seen so many women stress about these changes, but trust me - embracing this new chapter can be incredibly liberating. You might just find yourself having the best sex of your life.

Lauren Johnson

Lauren Johnson is a pleasure advocate and femtech founder of BerryLemon, a trusted resource for women’s sexual wellness and intimacy over 40. She’s passionate about normalizing pleasure at every age and creates honest, expert-informed content for women navigating perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. She leads conversations around pleasure, health, and self-discovery through midlife and beyond.