In this episode of Touchy Feely by BerryLemon, we dive deep into a conversation that many women need but few get to hear: how to navigate and embrace sexuality in midlife. Dr. Sonia Wright, a physician turned midlife sex coach, brings her unique blend of medical expertise and compassionate understanding to this intimate discussion.
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As we enter midlife, our bodies and desires change - but that doesn't mean our pleasure has to diminish. Throughout this Touchy Feely episode, Dr. Wright shares candid insights about everything from hormonal changes to redefining intimacy, helping women understand that their sexual journey is just evolving, not ending.
Understanding Your Changing Desire
Many women worry there's something wrong with their libido in midlife. But according to Dr. Wright, what we're often experiencing is completely normal:
"70 percent of women are in this category of responsive, receptive [desire]... you're coming from a place of neutrality. It's not a hell yes. And it may not be a hell no."
The Truth About Female Desire
- Most women have responsive rather than spontaneous desire
- Starting from neutral is normal, not problematic
- Hollywood depictions of instant arousal are fictional
Physical Changes in Midlife
What's Actually Happening
Dr. Wright explains the physical transitions:
"As we get into our forties and perimenopause, our estrogen is dropping... life has changed again. We're more stressed out just in general. We might be taking care of kids, have a job, have a lot of responsibilities going on."
Common Physical Changes
- Decreased estrogen levels
- Changes in vaginal lubrication
- Possible pain during intimacy
- Shifts in arousal patterns
Solutions and Strategies
Medical Support
- Consult with healthcare providers about hormone management
- Consider local estrogen treatments
- Explore pelvic floor physical therapy if needed
Redefining Intimacy
Dr. Wright encourages expanding our definition of sex:
"When we define sex as just penetration, we have limited ourselves... maybe it's like a makeout session, maybe it's masturbating next to each other... there's so many ways this could be."
The Power of Self-Pleasure
Perhaps Dr. Wright's most empowering message is about our relationship with ourselves:
"Their relationship with themselves is as important or even more important than the relationship with any other partner... I always say your best lover is always yourself."
Benefits of Self-Exploration
- Better understanding of your body
- Maintained blood flow to intimate areas
- Increased comfort with pleasure
- Enhanced ability to communicate needs
Taking Action
Steps to Reclaim Your Pleasure
- Have open conversations with healthcare providers
- Explore self-pleasure without shame
- Communicate openly with partners
- Consider pleasure aids and toys
- Focus on what feels good for you
The Bottom Line
Dr. Wright's message is clear: midlife sexuality can be rich, fulfilling, and pleasurable. The key is understanding your body's changes, communicating openly, and giving yourself permission to explore and enjoy pleasure in whatever way works for you.
